A Letter to a friend:
Dear Paris, Demetrius, George--
Have you ever been in distress? I have.. And I'm in distress right now. And it's your fault. But I'm not mad at you for that. I'm mad at you for leaving, because you had no right to let that happen.
I was banking on you living. I was so ready to see you again, it wasn't even funny.
I'm also mad at that stupid car. The stupid car that you broke, and the stupid car that broke you. I used to stick my head out of the sunroof of that car while we listened to Backstreet Boys. Such pathetic music my friend--but I secretly enjoyed myself.
Be gentle, sky, and let me rest –
These bones are worn – they lack the zest
Of flesh in life – they’re marrowless! –
Their arid surface, nakedness! –
Betrayed in death; no sheen of red
From coursing blood; and blue was shed
Upon the fading out of eyes
That cased the world and gave disguise
To what my deepest thoughts had been –
But now I’m done with all I’ve seen.
Mark R Slaughter
You always made ridiculous jokes. When you would smack your head against the stool and hit the ground, it always seemed so real. And it was a joke. This isn't funny.
I guess I was just banking on your getting better. That's the assumption, isn't it? When someone pulls through you expect them to just get better. I suppose it gave us longer to say goodbye.
Except I didn't get to say goodbye.
Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way
Band of Horses
It rained today. And if I looked at my dorms I thought I was back home again, even for a short time. It made me feel safe. When I looked at campus, the mountains disoriented me. But still. The rain was pretty nice.
I know Gillian misses you. Which makes me really sad for her. She doesn't cry that often, but when she does, it destroys me. Remember those jerks who made fun of her once? I was livid. And I know everyone had her back on that one.
You're one of those friends that sometimes I got annoyed with. I'm not gonna lie about that, but that wasn't what mattered.
OH. But you know what really sucks? I'm in a functional relationship (crazy, right?) And you never got to meet him. But he's been a great help actually. I couldn't stop crying, and he made me feel better. You know his friend died when someone burglarized his home. So he knows.
Remember the crazy trips to Shari's when Mike yelled at us? And who else did that? I just know those were the best.
And you gave me your blanket on halloween once, because I was too cold to handle life. And lynelle broke a fence. But I also never gave you your blanket back.
Death is weird. It never actually feels all that real until you recognize the absence of that person. Because I'm here, I can't really feel that you're gone. I honetsly keep thinking you'll still be hanging around the high school, like usual. Creep.
I haven't recognized your absence yet. Maybe it won't happen for a while. I tried to last night, so that maybe I would feel better. All it did was overwhelm me. I couldn't stop crying. Then Bekah gave me a snickers bar. And I still didn't feel better.
Remember when you drove us to Ryan's show cause I had such a big stupid crush on him? I vowed never to let you drive my car again because I hated the way you drove
I hate the way you drive even more now.
"The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But... but... think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses"
Love and Death
Wow I'm freaking hilarious. Aren't I?
I miss you. A lot. well that's a lie.
I'm not at home
so I don't miss you
Not quite yet
But when I come home, it'll be a storm
a storm of emotion and pain
I know exactly where you are. you're in that big magical place that I like to call Heaven. And someday, I'll see you
but not for a while
cause I personally plan on living a very long time buddy boy
You know that scene at the end of Romeo and Juliet? That's not real life. You won't accidentally hit me with a sword, mike won't kiss me, I won't fumble to find the retractable dagger. I won't die. I'm still here. I'm just chilling out, observing all that you left behind. Good one.
Well, I'm sitting on my bed, watching Bekah study, and watching Diane read. I just watched a funny movie, and I laughed. But when the movie ended, I got sad again. And I just sat there for a long while, scrolling through your photos.
Man, when I see you, I'm going to kick your butt, cause this wasn't funny.
Love, Juliet, Hermia, Myrtle
PS: Don't expect me to like the RIP Tyler Flowers fbook page. I don't do RIP. It makes me think of halloween. Which is ridiculous, and cheesey. How about I just say miss you tylee??
June 21, 1993-October 5th 2011