Thursday, August 16, 2012

Letter to an Artist

Just a precursor: These ladies matter a lot. Never forget how much you love them, because through all the craziness, be it good or bad, they've got your back

To my fifteen year old self:

I know you think he is the greatest guy in the entire world. But the truth is, once she dumps him, you'll be over him too. So maybe don't waste your time. It'll only give you a reputation.

Also, think about your future a bit more. That's what is really important, promise.

And be nicer to Celeste. I don't remember why you weren't always super-nice, but I promise it'll eat you up inside

To my sixteen year old self:

Appreciate how easy things are for you right now. It won't always be this way

Also, boys will think you're hot someday. Just wait until college...

Oh, and that little flier on the wall that says "Auditions for Romeo and Juliet"? Don't be scared. Just do it. I think you'll be happy with the results...

To my Seventeen year old self:

You're so close to being done with this silly little place called high school. I know it's been tough, but contrary to popular belief, you're not the only one going through it. You're a good person, and the girls who try to convince you otherwise, they haven't a clue. Not a single clue. Also, don't be so anxious, you're going to get into BYU. And also don't be upset about going for the summer. It will literally be the most fun summer you're ever had.

To my eighteen year old self:

Oh sweetheart. You're going to fall in love. As much as I'd like to warn you not to do that, as much as I'd like to tell you not to, you need it. It changes you, and maybe that's not a good thing. But eventually, you'll figure everything out. He'll make you happy, so hold onto that happiness. Because really, you're going to have a hard time in the next year.

To my nineteen year old self:

We're the same age chickadee! But, I'm writing this to the newly nineteen year old me. So I still have a few months on you little girl.

Anyway, I know that you feel like giving in to people is the way to go. But it's not. You're only making yourself sad. And that's not okay. You think it's all your fault, but it's really not. It's tearing you up inside to not say anything, but that's your nature, so don't be too upset. I will say this though--don't sell yourself short. It's not important to say no when it's unnecessary, or to speak up when you're upset if it'll blow over. But the important stuff? Say something! Say anything. If it means losing people, so be it. At least you'll be at peace. This year, you'll meet a boy who teaches you something about yourself. You let people have their way, and you never say a word about it. He'll teach you to stand up for yourself. And it won't be easy, but maybe start with him. Stand up to him. And then maybe stand up to Dad. Don't worry, he doesn't do anything mean, but he forgets that you're human sometimes

PS: I know you're wondering, will this mystery boy who teaches you something, will he stay? Or will he leave. I can't tell you that though. Not because I don't want to, although that's actually quite accurate. I won't tell you because I don't know. He might leave, after he's taught you all these things. But he might stay. And if he leaves, you'll learn that life happens, I suppose, and that you can't make people love you more than they do. And if he stays? Well you've got a roller coaster ahead of you with this one.

Love, Rai


"To fall for someone is to willingly become an open target"

You write that. It doesn't belong to anything, it's detached. But it's pretty profound, don't you think?

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